Pro Choice but Anti Abortion.....Yeah

This is my 1st feminist dilemma. Lol it seems the older I get the more contradictory I appear but if you let me tell it, I'm just learning to accept the Universe and all her paradoxical ways. Yes I guess being pro-choice and anti-abortion does seem quite impossible or confusing but almost everything about me is confusing to outsiders and onlookers.

From a sociopolitical stance and a social work stance and I suppose a human rights stance, I would classify myself as pro-choice. I believe every individual has the right to make their own choices, including in regards to their body. I do not agree with imposing your will onto someone, but rather empowering the individual to make healthy choices for themselves. I would never condone or support something that strips a woman ( or any other person) of their right to make a choice. I understand the circumstances that lead many women to having abortions and I sympathize with the women's struggle.

However, from a personal and spiritual viewpoint, I am against the operation and act itself. I do believe the emotional, physical, and psychological scars that form after an abortion has been performed are far more damaging than any obstacles one would face if they carry out an unwanted or unexpected pregnancy. I realize I stated this is a spiritual perspective but understand THIS IS NOT A RELIGIOUS POINT OF VIEW!! My pov stems from my spiritual values of love, faith, and forgiveness. I do believe that:

1) God doesn't place a load with you that you can't bear
2) "Shit don't just happen, shit happens for a reason"-- Jadakiss
3) We must learn to accept personal responsibility

Also, I believe in the resiliency of the human race and the strength of women ( not just BLACK women).

I understand that present circumstances aren't always ideal when an unplanned pregnancy occurs, whether it be financial strain, rape, dysfunctional parental relationship, or just unpreparedness, yet in life almost everything occurs at the wrong time. I've witnessed many of my friends carry out an unplanned pregnancy and I watched how they evolved and matured as women, becoming beautiful mothers and inspirational women.

Following my spiritual beliefs, having faith that the universe conspired to bless me with a life to cultivate, having faith that the universe will support me in motherhood, having faith that I can be a good mother, I encourage others to discover and harness the same faith in any difficult decision. Many times people make decisions from a place of fear, fearing that the outcome of something so grand, unplanned, and socially unacceptable could have favorable results, when in actuality, NO ONE KNOWS what the results will be so the fear is actually IMAGINED.

I was at the bar and my companions were all excited about the law that just passed in NY saying that they were eliminating the age limits for consumers to purchase the 'morning after pill'. I was the only one not too thrilled lol. I thought about my 10 yr old niece who just started her menstrual cycle, looks about 3 years older than what she is now, who will have easy access to this pill if she just so happens to get herself in a situation at an early age. I thought about how she probably wouldn't see the need to reach out to anyone when she could handle the situation herself. I thought she would probably bear the secret forever, and let it fester. The thought frightens me.

Idk what it is with America and the world that we just love killing and eliminating our obstacles and disrupting the flow of nature. Abortion is unnatural and to me that already is a RED FLAG. You are disrupting the natural flow of the universe and simultaneously increasing your chances for sterility all in an effort to extinguish a load you feel you can not bear.

I think making abortion an issue in the midst of a teen pregnancy epidemic is catastrophic. Abortion becomes more and more common while our youth are sexualized at even younger ages and more intensely! Our underdeveloped younger sisters are making adult decisions unaware of the magnitude of the entire decision. We view abortion as a solution to a problem (unwanted, unplanned pregnancy) when our focus should be the promotion of safe sex and preventative measures, which DIRECTLY addresses the epidemic and doesn't provide a quick short term solution with long term consequences unbeknownst to the general public. Kinda one sided eh?

In America (but I guess period since we're Americanizing everyone), our quickest solutions to conflict and obstacles are guns and abortion. That's a hyperbolic statement I realize lol...maybe. But I do believe ppl have the same attitude about the use of guns, which ppl use as a QUICK & EASY SOLUTION to conflict, as abortion which can be a quick and easy solution.

Now I'm not judging anyone who has or who has had an abortion because as a human , I would never want my right to choose stripped away from me and as a being with integrity, I would never judge anyone's choices. However, I want to be that voice of faith and hope for scared parents that says you can do this. Have you considered all your options? Do you know the risks? What are your fears?

I really just want to end by saying I have a friend who was born from rape. I don't think his mother could imagine her life without him. He is such a loving, warm, and contagious spirit. My mom reminds me that I was supposed to be an abortion. I like to think that she's grateful that I was not lol as am I.

Monogamy vs The Other Options

I decided to finally write this piece after talking about the topic sooo much and just ranting out frustrated feelings. I figured I need to get it all out in a cohesive piece so then maybe my strong feelings about the subject could subside a tad lol. The topic is this anti-marriage stance our generation is flocking towards. Dumbest shit ever.

I'm totally an open minded woman woman of 2013 in many ways, so I understand the anti- marriage/monogamy stance in the world we live in today. People are sexually liberated, goal oriented, and individualistic. Lifetime commitment isn't a MUST anymore and I'm all with that. I'm not wedding crazed and I don't think everyone should settle down because that's whats socially acceptable. I'm not too keen on commitment myself lol. I could care less about divorce statistics, which the bitter says is just cause to never be married. While all these reasons I understand to an extent, except the bitter fearful people who deny the idea of marriage because of the way other people have lived their lives, the anti marriage stance as a whole, looking at the big picture, is dumb as shit, selfish, and socially irresponsible.

The main and really only reason is the kids. I always say for all you anti marriage people, I hope you don't plan on having any kids. No one wants to get married but everyone wants to have unprotected sex. So now we have a bunch of kids in broken homes and single parent families. Is this what we want to perpetuate? Marriage creates the foundation for family which is the foundation of a healthy and stable environment to raise a child in. Of course all 2 parent families aren't perfect and worry free and all 1 parent families aren't failing and dysfunctional; but its a FACT that a child will develop better emotionally, socially, socioeconomically, mentally, physiologically, etc when raised in a 2 parent household.

All I hear are woes about psycho baby mamas and deadbeat baby daddys yet we still want to deny our child the RIGHT to grow up in a stable household by simultaneously perpetuating the ideas of unprotected sex and uncommited sex, and now creating an anti marriage culture. What a self destructive ideaology!!! We're pretty much opening the doors for psycho baby mama and deadbeat dad drama. Were putting our short term pleasure ahead of our child's long term well being. You may not realize it but you are.

Many people themselves grew up with only one parent or watching their parents co-parent, by moving between houses and having visits. As a child, they learn this unstable pattern. Many people resent their absent parent as they grow up yet become that absent parent in the future. Once we cultivate a child, we are responsible for everything that happens to that child thereafter. This is a human life!! We owe that life all of our will power and strength to provide them with the best life possible. The best life possible involves raising your child in a stable 2 parent household, with a masculine and feminine perspective on life, dual incomes to provide financial stability, a structure for emotional support, and a stable and balanced environment.

"Oh well me and my significant other don't get along and its best we're not together so Im doing the right thing" SHUT THE FUCK UP!  Take responsibility for your actions. You are not making the best decision for the child, you are making the best decision for yourself. First of all, your unstable crazy relationship affects your child the most. Secondly, that's your mistake that's leading to your child's suffering, whether you see it or not. We live in a sexually irresponsible culture and we have babies as collateral, in insincere relationships, with people we don't know or love, at a young age,  and unfortunately the children are left to bear the consequences. Who are we to bring a child into the world when we dont have the means to provide the best life for them? Now Im not saying single parents or young parents should feel ashamed or that they are bad people...not at all. But i am saying that we should place more value and thought into what exactly having a child entails before we participate in actions that lead to having a child, such as unprotected sex. Of course we all struggle with self control and our emotions so if we do partake, we must be prepared to raise a child. And if we have a child, we must be prepared to take the necessary steps to provide that child with the most healthy life possible.

I know we're still young but sometimes I feel like the only 23 year old without a kid lol. We still want our freedom and fun but once you have a kid, you have to realize that everything you say, think, do, will be digested, emulated, and have an affect on that child. That child seeing you with various partners, the child not having a relationship with one parent, the child growing up poor, enduring your resentment, etc will fester in his subconscious and manifest in reality through behavior and patterns. No marriage equals a huge possibility for unstable houses breeding unstable children who turn into Chief Keefs.

#AintNobodyGotTimeForThat

I totally get that shit happens and everyone's situation is different. The relationship with you and your child's mother/father may be completely broken or nonexistent and the option for that union is nonexistent as well. However, you still are obligated to provide that child with the best life possible. Even when you believe in marriage you may still end up in the same situation of having a kid with someone who isnt prepared to be a good parent. Ok thats my mistake now I have to let it go and provide the best life possible for my seed.

Its almost like pick and choose. By opting against marriage, you are opting against providing your children or future children with a healthy, consistent, stable family structure. Most people I believe are anti marriage because they're bitter. They don't think the opposite sex is capable of fidelity or commitment. They were raised by unwed parents so the concept is foreign. Whatever the reason, it becomes selfish once you have or even consider having kids. Once you have unprotected sex with someone you couldnt imagine raising a family with, you've become selfish and irresponsible. We've all done it but we don't all own up to our mistakes or irresponsibilities. We place blame on others.

I really think people don't think about this when they adopt this anti marriage attitude though. They're thinking about their freedom and settled insecurities. Instead I say think about your kids or the kids you plan to have. Think about the life they may lead when you decide marriage is not for you and continually engage in unprotected sex. Think about the confusion the child experiences when they build relationships with various adults with various viewpoints, none if which may be his/her parents'. Thats all I'm saying...

Who or What is God to Me

This is the question we all need to ask ourselves.

This is the question that began my spiritual journey. First, a lot of people don't even see me as very spiritual because of some of my habits i.e drinking, cursing to name a few, my lack of religious affiliation, and my views on organized religion, but in my personal life, prayer and a strong connection with God is at the core of my living. However, in order for me to even build this relationship with God, I had to ask myself who or what do I think God is in the first place?

I still don't have my 100% definitive answer for that question but the more I learn and discover about myself, the clearer my answer has become. Most people believe in a God that is omnipresent, omniscient, you know all seeing and all knowing, who watches and judges our behavior on earth and determines if we go to heaven or hell, I guess based on if we follow certain rules. God created everything and every person and we should be devoted to him and not overcome by the devil or we will burn in hell. When I really thought about this notion of this God I had always believed in blindly and accepted as the idea of God, I had to laugh and just dissect the idea for myself because that idea is just ridiculous to me! I can't believe that the creator of life would be so judgmental and vindictive lol. I can't believe the creator would condemn his creations to an eternal fire just for forming their own opinions or making mistakes. The idea of God that I blindly accepted instilled fear into me, which is apparently an idea we as humans accept because we refer to ourselves as God fearing. Would God really want me to fear him or love him? Move closer to him? The concept of God that I had always accepted made me feel as if there was a checklist or guidelines and the more I strayed the closer to hell I was getting and the less righteous and loved by God I was.

Fear is something we try to detox ourselves of not something to build upon. When I first began asking myself these questions and discrediting my once accepted beliefs, I literally felt scared! Lol I would apologize to God for questioning God's existence or try to shield or change my thoughts. I eventually had to realize that if I am going to accept the idea of a higher power, a God, I must realize that God knows I am asking these questions anyways lol. My once fear of God wouldn't even allow me to ask the questions I essentially needed to ask. This accepted notion of God suppresses critical thinking, truth and imagination. When we fear God, we lose sight of who we are. We act out of fear of repercussions instead of a love for ourself. We go to church or marry someone or disregard certain people or behaviors because of fear of not being accepted by an all loving God... Lol yall see the irony yet? We don't do what we really feel in our heart because we are afraid that our all loving God won't love us. We rather live in fear of repercussions, imaginary fear and imaginary repercussions, instead of loving ourselves and having faith that our all loving God will love us back as we love ourselves.

This is why I sometimes think of myself as an atheist. The God or Gods I pray to and accept are almost an extension of myself. I know (at least I think I know at this point) that there are forces stronger than myself that architect the divinity in my dimension, and that is the God I thank and pray to. Yet, I know that I possess that same divinity, that same force, within my being, and the closer I move toward my own center (or God) the more divine my life becomes.

This is what I truly believe at this point. This shapes my foundation and is what I have concluded and live by as a result of my eternal spiritual journey thus far. I still have many many questions about who or what God is to me to this day such as is there more than one God? Is there a heaven? Will I be reincarnated? Are our ideas of aliens really Gods? (Lol thats a new question in this whole mix) Am I a potential God? And of course the burning question that still lingers is there really a God? A force outside of myself that orchestrates life or am I the only orchestrator?

I go back and forth on these questions all the time. New questions come up. But the more honest with myself I am, the more questions I resolve with my being, the more spiritually healthy I feel. The more divine occurrences occur. The more prayers are answered. Even if I dont have a definitive concept of the God I pray to, I am being true to myself and in my prayers and the forces that be have responded accordingly. I feel beyond blessed!

I am not saying my concept of God should be accepted as yours. NOOO!! Absolutely not. You have to see what agrees with your spirit. You must be willing to honestly explore yourself and your spirituality though. You have to ask all the questions that you really wonder and not be afraid to stray from the conventional. You have to not be afraid. Have faith! You will be loved!

Come to a conclusion that rests well with your heart and doesn't make you feel restricted or fearful. That allows you to be yourself. It may truly be what is set forth by your religion. Or maybe you agree with certain things in your religion and not others. Maybe you identify more with a totally different religion or none at all. Its your journey to walk though.