People have become so desensitized to abuse, both sexual and domestic, and it is really sad man. I'm listening to Ricky Smiley on my way to work this morning and they are talking about Rihanna and Chris Brown. The one lady says "America needs to just stop. They are going to be together and they look happy so just let them be." Then, earlier this week when Penn State received all of their sanctions, all these people are on my twitter timeline talking about how they feel bad for Penn State and Paterno for taking his wins away. Somebody actually said its like they dug Paterno's body back up and buried him again. Really?? Its that bad REALLY THOUGH? Maybe if he would have took the proper action in the first place then dozens of kids wouldn't be scarred and Penn State's reputation wouldn't be ruined. IDGAFF about Paterno.These are both serious cases of abuse, one domestic and one sexual. It seems that people view domestic abuse as a choice (Hey if she wants to get her ass beat, that's her choice) and when it comes to sexual abuse, the issue is so taboo to discuss openly and people are so under-informed, the topic is looked over, downplayed, or the victims get blamed (or shamed). It is truly sad because the effects of sexual abuse as well as domestic abuse are long-standing and extremely damaging to the victim, physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. With abuse being SOOOO prevalent, both domestic and sexual, with 1 out of 4 women being sexually abused/molested in their lifetime (and that's just the women who report it, when it is believed that 2/3 of all rape/molestation cases are unreported), I often wonder, why isn't this an epidemic in America? Why aren't there harsher punshiments for rape and domestic assault? Why aren't activists, social workers, politicians, the police, etc working to raise the public's awareness surrounding these issues?
Domestic abuse and sexual abuse are sadly generational. So, if your grandmother was raped or beaten by a spouse, there's a good chance that your mother was raped or abused and there is a good chance that you will be as well. The emotional trauma associated with either type of abuse can last a victim an entire lifetime and many times because victims never report these issues, the feelings associated with the assault remain suppressed and the victim never properly heals from the incident and remains damaged all the way into adulthood.
Domestic abuse and sexual abuse are different though. I talked about domestic abuse in a previous post I wrote on Rihanna and Breezy so I don't want to reiterate too much, but domestic violence victims are unhealthy. This is why they need intervention. I mean, what healthy person do you know that likes to be abused?? So when people say "Hey if she wanted to leave she would" or similar statements, you are truly being ignorant. She or he is trapped in an unhealthy cycle of abuse and the interevntion of a healthy 3rd party is absolutely NECESSARY to help break the cycle!! Its one thing for us healthy outsiders to not intervene, because hey, that takes alot of courage to intrude on the personal lives of others. But when the general public condones the perpetuation of unhealthy relationships and adopts this blame the victim attitude where we make numerous excuses for the abuser ("Well we don't know what she did to make him hit her"), WE HAVE A PROBLEM!
Sexual abuse is different though. People don't tend to make excuses for rapists or pedophiles; we, as humans are not completely loveless and hopeless (THANK GOD). However, many people don't even know what really constitutes rape, and many people have a gruesome image/ideaology when they just HEAR the word rape; You think of a stranger in an alley with a knife brutally invading a woman or date rape. You think of a crazy Law & Order SVU episode or something. The issue of rape and molestation is such a touchy subject to talk about because it is so devastating; many victims even refuse to discuss the incident or never share the incident until years later, feeling too ashamed. And when a victim does discuss it, its hard for others to empathize or they feel completely sympathetic. Its truly sad and you can feel the victims pain and you feel powerless in helping them. Also, there's the blame the victim attitude, with people saying "Well maybe if she wasn't wearing that then..." or "Well she led him to believe that...." The word rape has even been given slang meanings so people use it in everyday dialogue. If the victim can't even talk about it though, I can understand why no one else would and why people don't treat these instances with as much urgency as they deserve. However, we have been desensitized so much that we use the word rape like victims aren't everywhere and affected by the word itself; we've been so desensitized that we shame those that are affected. This desensitizing is counterproductive.
I think its time for the activists and coalitions and nonprofits and social service agencies and the federal government for that matter to raise the country's awareness. I think schools should address the issues of domestic violence and sexual assault directly and openly with the kids. These issues should no longer be kept on "hush mode". I don't understand why they are anyways!! The women who are being subjected to this abuse will be bearing the children that will have to carry America over into the next generation. These women are birthing and mothering the future doctors, lawyers, officers, judges, politicians, and businessmen. They are responsible for nurturing healthy and productive children but how can we expect a healthy upbringing from an unhealthy, scarred, unwhole mother?
Men should be reminded that their physical dominance should be used to protect women, not manipulate, abuse, and destroy women. Men should be aware of the consequences of their actions, both to themselves and to the women that are the victims. These issues need to be addressed during the adolescent stage, especially since we are living in a culture that is increasingly misogynistic. Men should be taught that it is NEVER okay to hit a woman, just as it is NEVER okay to sexually assault a woman. People should be aware of the extensive psychological and emotional harm that results from abuse of any kind.
I urge all women and men who are being abused or who have been abused to speak up. Stop being afraid!! You are the victim; there is NO SHAME in this. I urge all my peers and elders to research these issues and speak to their children about them. Stop treating the issue like "Well maybe if we don't talk about it, it won't happen". Nooo, its been happening and will continue to happen. These immoral blame the victim ideaologies are not only dilapidating for the individual, but they are helping in the decay of the victim, as he/she perils into emotional/psychological instability.
In Amsterdam, they place a HUGE billboard on the side of the apartment building where a sex offender resides. It says their name, that they're a sex offender, and this is where they live. Maybe we should adopt something like that and people would think twice before they commit the crimes they do so wrecklessly, thinking they will get away with their indecency. This epidemic is REAL and becoming more and more acceptable in today's society. I think this is a topic for all my activists' to do list.
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